生きる価値を失ってしまったらあなたはどうしますか？
私なりの価値に関する定義　夢ｘ希望＝生きるモチベーション。
そんな簡単に行くものじゃないとは分かってるけど、
自分はもう価値としては値しないね…

I am seeking a light that will guide me to happiness that I had once before.
I am seeking what is life is worth for.
I am drifting in a lonely sea seeking for the light that will shine through out the darkness.
Someday there will be a time where there will be no fighting and hate will be gone and love will prevail our hearts.

I sometimes ask myself why I am the one who has to be in a positon to be sad.
If I need to pay the price then I would give anything to see the happy faces around me two years ago.
Now I am alone in the darkness.

There are other people that I are in pain but who will understand my pain. I am sorry that I may look self-centered but who knows?

I hope next year.....maybe next year....
I will be happy
Someday on christmas.

How are you doing? My fellow readers. If there is anyone out there.
Well right now I don't want to spread the words after the topic but, right now I am trying to go forward one by one.

Love takes time by Mariah Carey

I had it all
But I let it slip away
Couldn’t see that I treated you wrong
Now I wander around
Feeling down and cold
Trying to believe that you’re gone

Love takes time
To heal when you’re hurting so much
Couldn’t see that I was blind
To let you go
I can’t escape the pain
Inside
Love takes time
I don’t wanna be here alone

Losing my mind
From this hollow in my heart
Suddenly I’m so incomplete
Lord I’m needing you now
Tell me how to stop the rain
Tears are falling down endlessly

You might say that it’s over
You might say that you don’t care
You might say you don’t miss me
You don’t need me
But I know that you do and I feel that you do
Inside

I cannot agree on the last line but, I need somebody that will stop the rain.
I am hoplessly drifting in a lonely sea.

what a shitty day...

blame it on me.....

Today I felt very depressed...
Actually every sunday I am depressed.
Depresstion pulls out bad feeling that I have put away.
I cannot say that I have put away the feeling towards the person who I have loved.
Today I ahve dropped by a cafe which is runned by our company.
The manager at that cafe is new but very cute.
I don't know but if I have the time to look out towards other people this pain might be a little bit lighter.
The girl that I met at the hotel in anther section was cute too.
Very attractive!
Sad that I have to put and end to my feelings towards her but now I feel that it is my time go on.
Go on to find a place in the sun with somebody else.
My time to close the door on my side.

Right now I am in front of my computer at my office.
My boss is in front of me doing work. The time is 22:00 ULTRA OVER TIME with no pay.

Well back to the subject.
Have you ever heard the song More Than Words by Extreme?
The first time I heard this song was on the radio.
I had a sheer image that I should introduce this to the person I really care about.
I did and showed how much I care about her.
Now listen to it as a memory of her on my iPod.

Sad isn't it?
Well another side helped to clear away the sadness and revive the song.
The English group WESTLIFE saved the song.
Now I hope that when this scar heals and let me fly again.
I wish I can show this song to who I love.

LIFE GOES ON...
LOVE GOES ON...

Sorrow goes on...

ここで紹介します、extremeのMore Than Words

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It’s not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I’d already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don’t ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos I’d already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

伝えたかった…

Some people find happiness very fast and some are slow.
I see people around me getting happiness by fortune.
I thought that I was on the right track, I don't know why but I found myself thrown out.
I am sad that I am alone now.

My friend's birth day was yesterday, who have influenced me very well thru out my high school years.

Now she is happy and living a new life with her husband.
She said that there are happiness waiting for everyone, for me as far as the eye could see there is nothing a waiting for me.

She knows a lot about me.
Things that I said how I felt about her.

I will try hard to reach the same happiness that she found.

Even though I will be a tough and hard road to go thru.

Happy Birthday T!
Take care...

Some self-helping books say that when you are in pain that is a conjunction to happiness.

I started to think and feel that I am moving.

Moving to where?

I don't know.

Even if I knew I would not tell you.

Because I would be happy not to be found.

I know that I have to move on right now or else I will have to continue this sorrow.

Before the memories fade away... let me feel you and remember you as day we first met.

Everything has started from there when I sat next to you on that bus when we a going to the beach.

It is sad that you are not around in my life but I thank you for being a part of me thru the journey, I would not say it here but you will know if you close your eyes and remember what I said to you. How I feel.

good night...

People around me are finding happiness and going forward to a new life.
I am here trying to pick up the broken pieces of my heart.
I know that I have to find a light that can help me go on.
But for now I can not.
I really do not know why but I can not.

Last night I poped in a DVD to ease the pain.
The Family Man starring Nicolas cage.

Most of you know the Japanese title so I put in the original title so that you know what kind of movie it is.

There were some points that related me but I promise you that I was not the one who made the desicion break away.

If there is a time to think it over.
I hope that the memories that we made are golden and will shine our lives.

Pain, sadness, anger, depression the holes in my soul will someday mend and find a place in the sun.

Do you have hope in your life?
When you go to sleep can you count the goodness you have done towards other people.
Honestly ask yourself have you made someone happy?

Right now, I can not answer these questions.

Here I am standing alone hopeless.